Fundamentals of BDSM

BDSM, D/s, M/s or “The Lifestyle” can seem pretty daunting and confusion to someone who’s new to the concept. If you’re interested in it enough to want to explore, satify your thirst for knowledge, and prove to yourself that the urges you feel are natural…it can be tough to figure out where to start. BDSM comes in a  variety of flavours, and there are as many different thoughts, disciplines, and practices as there are kinksters. BDSM can be as simple or as imaginative as you want to make it. Whether it’s a sensual spanking, tying your partner to the bedposts, or a full on, intense, and complex scene. The world of kink and BDSM is a vast and wonderous land, but we’ll try our best to break down the basics for you.

Let’s start with the acronyms!

BDSM is a compound initialism that stands for:
Bondage & Discipline
Dominance & Submission
Sadism and Masochism

SSC:
Safe, Sane, and Consensual

Safe – It’s important to remember to play safe even when you’re playing hard. Never cause any real harm to your partner(s) physically, emotionally or psychologically. We cover safety at length here.

Sane – Don’t play while you are intoxicated, angry, or in a state that might  leave you unable to determine your partners boundaries or evaluate the potential risks involved in whichever form of play you may indulge in. You should always discuss limits with your partner before you play. while those limits may be pushed at times, it’s important to remember to never overstep hard limits.

Consensual – This is absolutely essential for any kind of healthy dynamic. It”s one of the key reasons that kink is not abuse. Essentially it means that all parties involved have communicated prior to any play or scene, and have given their consent to one another. BDSM is consensual and should never be forced. Everyone involved has the right to stop any sort of play at any time. If consent is withdrawn, that should be honoured immediately. Otherwise it’s just abuse, and that’s no fun.

RACK follows along the same vein as SSC. It stands for:
Risk Aware Consensual Kink

D/s – Stands for Dominant and submissive or dominance and submission.

M/s – Stand for Master(Or Mistress) and Slave.

 

But now what?

If you’re just starting out, you may be eager to jump straight in. Go for it! Kink can be fun! But always remember to go slow. Often times, newbies get so excited to test the waters that they may make rash and potentially dangerous decisions.

We recommend that you ask yourself a few questions.

What kind of play are you interested in?
Have you done your research?
Do you know what your own limits are?
How open are you to your own sexuality?
Do you want to explore both your Dominant and submissive side or are you clear that you are either one or the other?
Do you even want to experience BDSM on a physical level or are you more drawn towards the psychological?

Do a bit of soul searching and be totally honest with yourself. Make a list of your fantasies, the things you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t had a chance to experiment with. Look into those a bit and try to understand the potential risks (and fun! Don’t forget the fun!) involved. Then start builiding a list of limits. Start with the hard limits first. Hard limits are the things that you absolutely will not do, and nobody can ever make you change your mind about. Follow that with a list of your soft limits. Soft limits are the things that you don’t really like the thought of, but you may be willing to explore with the right partner. Keep in mind that these list are probably going to change with time, but for now this will help you understand what you want out of BDSM and kink…and will help you enjoy yourself while avoiding the potential pitfalls.

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